The freedom to not accept

Niet accepteren

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Geplaatst door:
Bron:Die to Love

Gekoppelde categorieen
Bewustzijn, Non dualiteit

(Unmani - Die to love) On the spiritual path we hear about these very saintly qualities like acceptance and we try to do them in order to become a better person. Our society’s latent, or not so latent, religious beliefs, often make us confuse being a ‘good person’ or saint, with being realised or awake to our true nature. It is not the same thing. You don’t have to try to be good or to accept it all, because who you really are already accepts it all. Recognising your true nature doesn’t have to look or feel like anything in particular. It does not fit into any particular idea or box. It is simply about the truth, even when it is ugly or uncomfortable. Seeing that there is no escape from what is. Seeing that whether you think you accept or not, it is all already accepted, simply because it is. 

You try to do self acceptance because in fact you don’t accept yourself. Often when we start our search it is essentially because of low self-esteem. You believe ‘Im not enough as I am’. So you go looking for fulfillment or enlightenment to fill that bottomless pit of discomfort or not enough-ness. You imagine that when you arrive there, then you will be more than enough, you will be a perfectly saintly person that unconditionally accepts everything. But in the meantime while you continue searching, you are never enough. There is always something wrong with you, or other people, or the world. You may try, but you can never accept it all. There will always be something that could be a little bit more perfect.

The problem is one of wrong identification. While you believe that you are the one who needs to accept, then you are essentially trying to become that saintly perfect person. You, who you think you are, will never be perfect, and you certainly wont be saintly. You will only be trying and failing, and trying again and failing again. When you believe yourself to be the thought ‘me’, then you will believe the other thoughts about ‘me’. You will believe that this ‘me’ lacks something or needs something in order to be worthy of acceptance. But in questioning who this ‘me’ really is, perhaps you may find that it is only a thought and has no more substance than that. And if you are not this ‘me’ thought, then do you know that you lack anything? Do you know that you, and everything that happens, are not already accepted completely just the way you are?

It seems that the nature of the thought is to always find problems and look for improvements. Seeing thought for what it really is, you can see that it will always be looking for perfection for ‘me’. Thought will only accept on the the condition that it is good for me. Thought is always negotiating and bargaining for ‘me’. But we are talking about a much bigger acceptance than thought can do. Thought has such arrogance that it thinks ‘I accept’.  Who do you think you are, that you would have such power? It is all already accepted whether you like it or not, just because its happening. Thought says ‘I don’t accept’ when in fact there is an uncomfortable feeling felt. A feeling that thought assumes is not good for ‘me’. Thought tries to do something to fix it or change it. You might even practice trying to accept it as a way to try to change it! 

In recognising that you are not what you think you are, then you see that you are not the one who lacks anything. You are not the thoughts that say ‘there is something wrong with me’. You are not the ‘me’, that anything is missing for. Then there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing that needs to change or be accepted. You are also not the thoughts that say ‘I should accept’. Who should accept? A thought?  Isn’t it really that there are some uncomfortable sensations that thought claims means something about ‘me’, and is trying to fix them? If those thoughts are not believed in, then perhaps its ok to just feel the sensations, without them meaning anything at all? Do they need to be accepted? Or are they already just happening, and therefore already accepted? It is about being honest with what is really happening. If you are trying to accept something, it is because you don’t accept it. So maybe, right now, just feel that non-acceptance sensation, and know that this is already happening in that much bigger acceptance that you really are. This is the freedom to not accept, knowing that no matter what, it is all already accepted.

There is no escape from what is. Of course fighting with whatever is happening, is bound to feel even more painful. In not accepting, there are uncomfortable sensations, maybe pain or fear or anger. But this is all already accepted just the way it is, including the whole struggle. Nothing you can do is wrong. It is all included no matter what. The whole movie of life is already accepted in all its perfect imperfection. Nothing needs to be fixed or changed. Nothing needs to be accepted. In fact real acceptance is the freedom to not accept.

See the bigger acceptance that you will never be able to do yourself. It is not in the nature of the thinking to ever accept everything. So trying to go against the nature of thought will only be a struggle. It is a much bigger acceptance than thought can do. It is so big that it is already done. It includes everything that happens simply because it happens. It is out of your hands so you can relax. Nothing you do will make any difference to that bigger acceptance. Simply the fact that it is all happening means that it is accepted. This is the way it is and there is no where else to go. This is what is happening whether you like it or not, whether you accept it or not. Do something or don’t do anything and all of it is already accepted. It is the end of believing in thought when it tries to improve or change what is happening. Whether it changes or not, is ultimately out of your hands.

But knowing that it is all already accepted is not about having an attitude of passivity and not making any changes. In fact it can be the opposite. There is no need for any attitude of activity or passivity, because it is not about any kind of attitude at all. It is seeing that no attitude can protect or fix what is really felt underneath the attitude. In knowing that it is all already accepted then there is less fear of actually feeling the uncomfortable sensations that have been avoided.  Feeling it just the way it is, without the ulterior motive of wanting it to go away. There is no need to fix it because this is the way it is. Its okay for it all to be broken and imperfect. Knowing that it is not happening to who you thought you were, but simply is happening, there is the natural courage to feel whatever is actually here, and perhaps take any action, knowing that it doesn’t ever mean anything about you. You are never limited by that feeling or the old reaction. You can just feel it as it is. It doesn’t need to change or be fixed, but paradoxically, in it being so welcome to be here, this is the greatest healing. Old patterns can relax, fear is seen to be not so frightening, pain is not so bad, and there is a general relaxation more and more. But this doesn’t happen through any trying to relax or accept. In not needing to change, things naturally change. In not needing to relax, it is so relaxed. In not needing to accept, you can see that it is all already accepted. 

This is real freedom. It is freedom from having to do, say, feel, think anything in particular. Nothing needs to be different. It can all be broken and imperfect. There can be old patterns playing, there can be pain, fear, anger or anything else, and it is known to all already be accepted. It is the freedom to shout and scream and not accept, knowing that it is all a play, a joke, in what is always accepted. It is the freedom for things to be just as they are, simply because they are. Just like the leaves on the tree wave in the wind just as they are, so do the waves of sensation and thoughts that come and go in you. The waves of accepting and not accepting come and go in the real acceptance that you are. 


Geplaatst door Redactie Earth Matters

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Sommigen zien de dingen zoals ze zijn en willen weten waarom ze zo zijn. Ik droom van dingen die er nooit zijn geweest en wil weten waarom niet.

Robert Kennedy, Amerikaans staatsman

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