Nine surprisingly simple lessons in intimacy from tantric sex


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Bron:Alternative News Project

Gekoppelde categorieen
Bewustzijn, Seksualiteit, Mannen, Vrouwen

Ready to find bedroom and relationship bliss? Take a lesson (or 9!) from tantric sex’s mindful practices.

For the uninitiated, the idea of tantric sex can be mystifying. You might assume it's all kink or you may be reminded of rumors about Sting’s famous (or, rather, infamous) nine-hour sex sessions. The rest of you probably just scratch your head. Luckily for both your comfort zone and schedule, tantric sex is about more than marathon lovemaking.

With its roots in ancient Indian principles, tantric sex is a form of meditation—a way to connect to both your partner and yourself in a more intimate way. Rather than focusing on recreation, it emphasizes the same mindful techniques that can slash stress and increase your focus—both  of which can lead to more pleasurable sex.

Ditch your expectations

When you hang onto what you think sex should be—how it should feel, how long it should last, what positions you should hit, and so on—your pleasure doesn’t stand a chance, says Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century. Those expectations are probably founded more in TV and movies than they are in reality. But when you let go of those comparisons, you can truly tap into the sensations you're experiencing, as opposed to what you think you should be feeling (and how quickly you can get there).

 Know your body

“The better a woman gets to know her body, the more connected she feels to herself, and the better she can make requests to her partner during sex,” says Elsbeth Meuth, director of the TantraNova Institute in Chicago. And that's a big part of tantric sex—exploring your own body to better understand (and articulate) your pleasure points.

Slow down

There’s nothing wrong with the occasional quickie. But if you really want to use sex to connect, call off the race, says psychotherapist Barnaby B. Barratt, PhD, and author of What Is Tantric Practice? Your move: During intercouse or foreplay, aim to make three strokes for every 30 you typically would. It sounds impossibly boring but the opposite is true: Every sensation will stand apart so you can fully enjoy it.

 Excite your senses

Sure, sex feels great, but what about your other senses? “Tantric sex is about creating a fully sensual experience,” says Carrellas. Dim the lights, dip strawberries in chocolate, or invest in a set of 1,000-thread-count sheets. Catering to all of your senses will help get your entire body and mind get in on the fun.

Open your eyes

What good is mood lighting if you’re going to keep your eyes closed? Open your eyes—and better yet—look into his. Don’t worry if it feels strange at first. Some nervous giggling is expected, especially if you’ve never seen your partner mid-kiss before, says Carrellas. Once you get past the initial jitters, you’ll feel more connected, turned on, and will probably wonder why you ever closed your eyes in the first place.

Focus your thoughts

My boobs look weird from this angle. What should I make for dinner? I need to buy detergent. If that reads anything like your internal monologue during sex, you’re compromising your connection by just going through the motions, says Carrellas. “When you notice your thoughts trailing off, focus on what you’re feeling and experiencing in that moment.”

And limit distractions like technology: a staggering 1 in 5 people even check their phones while doing the deed, according to a recent survey by Harris Interactive. Two words: airplane mode.


“Many women hold their breath during sex, especially as they approach orgasm,” says Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom. Problem is, this reduces blood flow and oxygen transport to the pelvic area—both of which are required for orgasm.

Continuous and deep belly breathing (think: the kind you practice in yoga class) can help you focus relax, and prolong the pleasure. “It spreads the sexual energy throughout your body.” Take the intimacy up a notch by inhaling as your partner exhales and vise versa. Just make sure to brush your teeth before bed.

Appreciate your partner

One aspect of tantric sex involves “worshipping your partner,” but don’t worry, you don’t need to build a shrine to the almighty “master of taking out the trash” to show reverence. Just think through the things that make your man wonderful to you. Maybe it’s his generosity, how he supports your dreams, or the way he cares for your children.

And say “thank you.” Researchers found that expressing gratitude was associated with relationship satisfaction, as we reported in Gratitude Keeps Your Relationships Going.

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Source: AlternativeNews Project, Prevention

Geplaatst door Redactie Earth Matters

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